Change is Coming

God is amazing! There is no other way to start out this post. After 6-7 years of Jude feeling called to be a senior rabbi, with no indication or open door from God to do that, He has finally told us that it's time. The years leading up to this have been incredibly trying and frustrating from a spiritual standpoint - not understanding why God would put something on our hearts and not give us the vehicle to walk it out. It's also been a time of growth and learning patience and to not jump ahead of God, but to know that He who began a good work in us will carry it out to completion.

God has opened the door for our family to move to Savannah, Ga - somewhere we'd never thought He'd take us. Once our family is settled and God gives us the go ahead we will be starting a messianic congregation there. It's a completely daunting prospect! Starting up a new work is so much work! But we are trusting this completely to Him. We know that any ideas or plans that we have will be worthless, but He has far greater plans for this city than we can even begin to imagine. We are excited to see Him move in the lives of his people there!

But if God is going to be able to work through Jude and me, then there must be nothing of Jude and me in it. We are merely vessels. Any bit of "us" will just be less of Him. So my desire in this process was to throw out my playbook, step back, and let God be the one completely in control. Now, we all say that God is in control of our lives, but if we are really honest with ourselves, we will see that we only let God be in control of the things we want Him to be in control of. When we come up against difficult situations we willingly hand those over to God, fervently praying and seeking His will. But the minute things are comfortable again it's, "Thanks, God. I got this now." We take back control until the next sticky situation. So who's really running the show? Ultimately, we will never achieve or see great works of God because we don't take the leap and let go. We limit the power of God in our lives because the faith necessary to realize that power

comes at a cost to our comfort.

But I don't want to short change God. I don't want to short change the people in the Savannah area that He is sending us to minister to. I want them to see Him, to feel His love, to be overwhelmed by Him through me. So "He must increase, but I must decrease." John 3:30. I took the leap.

Let me tell you.....at first it was beautiful and overwhelmingly tremendous! God has provided a job (necessary to sustain a family of 8 while we grow a congregation into a full-time supporting work). It is a fantastic job!!!! Jude took a shot in the dark and asked for the top end of the salary range, fully expecting them to counter, and they did. They came back and told him that he didn't ask for enough. They wanted to pay him more! WHAT?!!! As my oldest daughter said, "Who does that?!" God. The company is paying to move us, paying realtor fees to sell our house, and the list goes on and on.

 

We had a buyer for our house before we even listed it for sale. Everything seemed to be falling into place. I felt like the children of Israel as they left Egypt and the Egyptians gave them their gold and silver. "God, dayenu! (It would have been enough) if you had just provided this job. But everything else is just so much!" He's givien us so much more than we ever hoped or asked for!

We knew that God, who had just sold our house so quickly, must have the perfect place for us to rent in Savannah. That was the next step in this process of seeing His hand move in mighty ways. Jude and I took a weekend trip to look at possible places. Well, there was barely anything to see in the way of housing choices - especially for a family of 8. The few, decent possibilities that had potential were rented our sold - just a day after we had scheduled with a realtor to see them.

I had taken that leap out of my comfort zone to follow God to Savannah, GA. That weekend, the reality of leaping set in as the ground rushed up to meet me. I was falling at mach speed, as the enemy began to set obstacle after obstacle in our path. Just days after we were singing hallelujahs about God's abundant blessings, I was in tears. I was at such a low point, not understanding why things weren't falling into place.

"What is going on, God?! You opened the door and we followed you out willingly. We didn't grumble and complain about leaving. You brought us out and how could you not provide us with a place to live?!" Sitting in the hotel room that night, not knowing what we were going to do...where we were going to live....when we were going to move....I had to choose to accept everything, even if it didn't look "good" or I was no better than the children of Israel who spent 40 years in the wilderness grumbling against God and talking about how things were better back in Egypt.  Because they could only look back, 

they missed the blessings that God had for them.

Ann Voskamp, in her book One Thousand Gifts, tells us that we must hold our hands open to God, being willing to accept everything - good and bad. It was easy to accept all those amazing, unimagined blessings of abundance. But this? The lack? The open-endedness? If I truly want to leap and let him control everything, then I must not wrench my hand back when He gives me something I don't want, grasping for control again to right my world as it begins to spin out of my control. Faith....the leap....it is amazing.....and terrifying. But on the other side, if I can just hang on to Him, are things that I cannot even comprehend.

Tonight, just a week and a half before Jude begins his new job - we still have no idea where we will move to or when. We have prospects and possibilities, but nothing solid. We have maybe's and could be's, but no sure things. That amazingly quick house sale that was such a miracle became a migraine-inducing mess that looked like it would fall apart at any minute. (Thankfully, it looks like it will go through.) The ground under our feet has been constantly shifting. Minute by minute the situation changes. If I stop to think; if I look down at the ground instead of keeping my eyes on God, I will quickly sink into fear and doubt.

I remember a hymn I used to sing in church with my nana and grandpa when I was a kid - "On Christ the solid rock I stand....All other ground is sinking sand.....All other ground is sinking sand." He is my sure foundation - there is no other. That is what gives me peace when I "should" be freaking out right now.

I took a leap. I gave up control. I can't wait to see where He takes me.